Today I experienced an encounter that would previously cause me to binge. The stress from the day would usually lead me to searching for something to soothe the negative feelings. You see, when I feel attacked, or like someone is cornering me, I get defensive and i internalize those feelings. When I do this I find myself in the super market later in the day standing in the chocolate or ice cream section filling my cart with sweets that are bound to make me feel better. It’s better than drinking right? Wrong.
Today, when confronted at work about a situation I normally would have reacted in the above manner, but instead I actually allowed myself to feel the feelings. To feel anger, followed by letting go of that anger and realizing that although I don’t feel like I was completely wrong in feeling angry, I can handle the emotions without suppressing them with food. After work I went food shopping for the week and I got a few things i don’t normally get. I was hesitant but, I’m ready to embrace intuitive eating so, I decided not to look at the nutrition label and choose what looked good. I bought one of those to-go Nutella packs and decided I really wanted it so I started eating it in the car, and I really enjoyed it at first but the sticks weren’t very good on their own and although Nutella is great, having the flavor was good, knowing I can have it again if I want made it okay for me to stop eating it because I didn’t actually want it anymore.
This is a foreign concept to me. I’ve always thought things like “I have to eat it all, I don’t want to be wasteful” or i know it costs money so I don’t want to waste my money, or there’s “starving kids in Africa” or I get all “last supper” and act like if I don’t finish it I’ll never get the chance to have it again, or – the most recent addition to my crazy internal monologue – eat it all tonight so I don’t have to be tempted by it tomorrow.. That’s my favorite because it makes no logical sense at all.
If you have thoughts like this I really suggest that you look into the boo “Intuitive eating” because in only a few days I’ve really seen a shift in my attitude towards food, as well as feeling a bit of freedom from the throes of this yo-yo lifestyle I have been living for years.
The definition of insanity….