A lot has been going on in my life. I have myself pulled in many different directions as I usually do but this time there’s a paramount difference. I can’t seem to hold and stay on any one particular project for too long. I am usually pretty good at starting and then finishing something but for some reason lately I’ve had a lot of trouble concentrating too long on one task. I changed jobs (same job just different location), began working on a holistic nutritionist certification, continue to slowly (very slowly) build my business, I still have this blog looming over my head that I don’t sit down to write in enough, I continue to teach group fitness thinking often of new certifications I should do and want to do, and my husband and I have been trying for a baby. All of this and I continue to find myself adding new projects – just to add to the confusion, I try to maintain my social media presence, be able to maintain my relationship with my husband and pets, and still work enough to make money to pay the bills.
After 5 months of unsuccessfully trying for a baby I had a meltdown. My mind was being consumed by what was happening in my body, was I pregnant? The answer was clear as day when my body told me, 5 days late, that I in fact was not. I was broken. The sense of loss only something a mother who has lost a child could know – I didn’t lose a child, not a physical one, but the idea of a child was lost in my minds eye. Another month gone, 5 months of 2016 have been consumed with all ways one can make their body more fertile, how one can plan and time making a baby so that it would be successful. Five months of communication in a private Facebook group with other hopeful women trying to conceive either their first or fifth child. There’s been something missing these five months despite having communicated with so many women – this feeling that someone understands me, this has been a missing piece.
I needed time to collect my thoughts and figure out what my next step is to be.
So, after a mental dump of everything that I had been feeling, I decided I needed time away. I needed time to collect my thoughts and figure out what my next step is to be. I shut down the social media and picked up a book. The first book I picked up was called “When GOD Winks at You” by Squire Rushnell. The stories in this book tell of men and women who have experienced situations that would have otherwise been described as coincidence, but the author explains that there really is no such thing as coincidence. That actually these experiences are winks from God. Little messages from God saying “Hey there, I’m here, you are not alone, I am with you.” This book was full of little stories of hope. It got my mind thinking about all of the little coincidences that have occurred in the last 5 months, and my whole life. All of the babies I’ve noticed, of the women who were pregnant, of the number 12 that keeps ringing in my ears after my friends mom said it had significance and that we would conceive within the year, and how much this social media rest has seemed to be needed.
You see, social media consumes us, at least it was consuming me. How many times have you woken up and immediately grabbed your phone to see what you missed while you were sleeping. Could it really have been that much? I mean, most of the world is sleeping at the same time as you, but you feel the NEED to pick up your phone and dial into Facebook or Instagram or whatever social media is all the craze at that moment. I had trouble for this reason, I had trouble truly putting it down. I found myself mindlessly scrolling – not taking part in posts or liking things, but still scrolling to see pictures of my “friends” and all of the things they were doing while I was supposed to be taking a “break.”
I would scroll for a few moments and then realize what I was doing and put it away. Then I picked up another book called “The Alchemist” by Paulo Coelho. This book has been around for almost my entire life, and I had heard of it before but was never drawn to pick it up. Less than 12 hours from when I picked it up, I finished the book, and in awe of what I had just read I felt the immediate urge to start writing. You see, last night when I was walking around Barnes and Nobles searching for the next book I’d be reading during my weekend away from social media, I opened a book that had a bookmark in it from a publishing company that read “Are you ready to write you book? Contact us! We can help!” I smiled, as if this was a sign (or a godwink?) that I needed to take on yet another project – to finally write that book I’ve been meaning to write all of these years. I actually started writing, a few months back I wrote a paragraph and proclaimed “I’m writing a book!” But that’s where it started and ended. After reading The Alchemist yesterday and this morning, and being drawn to write, to just pour out whatever came to mind regardless of if it made sense – I realized that it is time. It’s time to add that additional project to my plate, because maybe it’s part of my Personal Legend. Maybe it’s part of the story of my life, for me to write a book – and it starts with this blog post.
Go where your heart tells you, get up and move
Besides writing a book, trying for a baby, paying for but not studying for a holistic nutritionist certification (because there’s just not enough time in the day right?), I’m also taking a trip in a few short weeks to North Carolina to see how I like it, to see if this feeling of my heart being drawn there is real or not. Taking two days off from social media has so far been proof to me that this world we live in has become so disconnected from each and every one of our hearts because we are consumed by everyone’s life but our own. Ever wonder why so many people are drawn to yoga and meditation? Maybe it’s because something vital is missing from their lives. Maybe it’s because they are so consumed with everything that is going on around them their hearts are screaming to be heard too! My heart was screaming so loud I couldn’t help but hear it. My heart was yelling at me to stop paying attention to everyone else and start looking inward. Read a little, listen a lot more, and really take in all the experiences that occur in the next few days. Go where your heart tells you, get up and move.
I find that I’ve allowed myself to become so consumed with others business that I’ve forgotten about my own. That if I spent the hours that I’ve been on social media (because if you add it all up it’s probably way more time spent on others than I’d ever thought) tackling all of these projects, that I’d actually get some things done. I’d like to spend some time everyday writing, whether it materializes into a book at the end of the day well, I guess I won’t know that until it happens or doesn’t happen but at least I’ll have spent time getting the words out of my head so that they can eventually be shared. If I spent a little of that time reading the books I have on holistic nutrition, I could complete the certification I am truly interested in so that I can help people learn to eat real food and heal their bodies. If I spend more of that time with myself, reading stories of triumph and leadership, I will learn from others how to successfully realize all of my dreams. If I spend less time “googling” and searching how to be fertile, and more time eating healthy and spending real time with my husband, maybe God will answer our prayers for a child.
Now, I’m not saying social media is terrible, I’m just saying that I think it’s important to unplug and connect with yourself for some time as well. On Monday I will go back to posting on social media and continue to check in with those around me, but I am sure
something inside me has changed, and if I ever feel like I’m being consumed by others lives again I will again completely unplug. I feel that it’s important to stay in touch but real human connection (whether it be to others or to yourself) is of utmost importance. Face to face, belly to belly relationships is what has made the world go round all of these years and we have truly begun to get away from that. We hide behind our computer screens, tablets, and phones. And we ignore those we love. So, I challenge you to roll over tomorrow morning, thank God for the sun shining on your face and kiss your husband, wife, or puppy (if you have no one next to you kiss yourself!)
Before you plug in to the electronics, PAUSE and plug into yourself!