Category Archives: the truth about BED

Turning point

In my experience people tend to write about their successes most – of course they do, who wants to hear about their failures? I’ve been doing a whole lot of personal development/soul searching lately, reading a lot, and listening to motivational podcasts to and from work on my hour drive. During this time I’ve heard a lot of stories of triumph – most of which started by some series of events that was a turning point. I’ve come to realize that successful people tend not to harp on their failures but appreciate them as a step towards their success. 

But what about those moments where you’re deep in the throws of the failure? What about when you’re in the middle of that turning point where you have to make a decision – to stay the same, or to go down the road of success. 

For people with an eating disorder it’s not as cut and dry – and this goes for other mental disorders as well, but for me the eating disorder is the biggest thing that holds me back in my personal life. I feel that I’m in the middle of a turning point – I could continue down the path I’m in and gain back all of which I lost, or I could start now making small choices to slowly lose that of which I’ve already gained back before it becomes so much that it’s overwhelming. 

No one talks about this moment because it’s not always happy. The lowest of the low points are hard, but the only way to get through them is to take a really honest look at what’s been going on. I’d be lying if I said that I’ve been eating well, hitting the gym the way I’d like to, and really doing everything I could to be healthy. A real look at what’s been going on would be quite the opposite. So why have I fallen back into some really bad habits? 

I’ve allowed my eating disorder to be an excuse – “I have trouble losing weight because I have issues with eating.” My stressful job situation was also an easy excuse – “I am always on the go so I have no time for a break, and by the time I do i’m starving so i binge” well, I changed jobs so that can no longer be an excuse. 

I really feel that my jobs stress was weighing me down and although I wasn’t staying accountable for my own actions, and I was allowing excuses to reign over my life, I had a valid reason. But now that I’ve transferred, despite being changed to a hospital that seems to always have cake – I’m in a less stressful work environment and I can finally get a handle on my nutrition. 

So, I’m embarking on a change – a new one for me – a lifestyle change that I plan to do slowly – no quick fix plans allowed – and if you catch me doing something like that please call me out. The plan is to start with small and easy changes. The reason for this is because nothing I’ve ever done before has lasted for very long. Sure, 5 years ago I lost over 100lbs, but I was unable to sustain it. 

I’m going to document this journey on multiple social media platforms – here, on Instagram (@suz_rice) and (@pugs_and_pushups) and I may also restart my YouTube channel. 

Stay tuned. And if you want to join me, help keep me accountable – I need to change – I need to feel better, look better, and stop teaching health without living it. I’m done allowing my eating disorder control me – it’s time to be in control! 

Advertisements
Tagged , , , , , ,

Something weird happened today…

“Something weird happened… I walked around stop and shop and had no desire to buy or eat anything that wasn’t a whole food or considered clean”

This morning I had to substitute teach Body Pump at 6am for one of my friends so I had a banana on my way in (I’m really trying not to workout completely fasted). When I got home I had 1 egg, 1/2 cup egg whites, and 1/2 cup Brussels sprouts with a squirt or two of ketchup (finally a photo!)  

 
Around 11am I was starving but knew I didn’t have any quick snack with me so I waited, but around 11:45 remembered I had thrown an Asian pear into my bag! So I chowed down on most of the pear – until my tummy felt better and then I headed back into work.

At 1:30 I had lunch which consisted of about 4-5 oz of chicken breast and about a cup of green beans. I added butter because there was nothing on either and it was totally flavorless.

At 4:30pm I had a grapefruit with a packet of stevia in the raw – I ate the whole thing since I didn’t have the half at breakfast due to time and, well, I’m not eating a grapefruit in my car! 

As I was leaving work (around 6:45pm) I decided to have 1/2 of an Italian cookie because one of my coworkers said they were the best she had ever had – it wasn’t that good so I didn’t finish it. 

Then I headed to go teach another body pump class and stopped by CVS to pick up a thing of laughing cow Swiss cheese. I ate one block and headed into class (7:30pm). After class I ate one of those really long cucumbers with two more of those laughing cow Swiss cheeses (9pm). Cucumbers and LC Swiss (or cream cheese) are probably one of my favorite snacks! 

Since I had yet to eat dinner I decided to head into the super market.  When I got there something weird happened… I walked around stop and shop and had no desire to buy or eat anything that wasn’t a whole food or considered clean. I bought an organic butternut squash soup, a honey Chobani yogurt, an organic almond bar, and a can of peas … I don’t know why but I wanted peas! 

When I got home (9:30pm) i had the butternut squash bisque soup and ate the small can of peas mixed with some shrimp (don’t judge me).  

I only had one moment today during work where I wanted to eat junk – it’s something about my work environment that makes everyone seek bad food. After I allowed that to pass I felt much better. Today was overall a good good day despite eating a bit more fruit than usual. I feel good and I’m interested to see if the food cravings continue to decline as I choose more clean/whole foods!

Tagged , , , , , , , , , ,

Sweets everywhere😓

Today was the first day back to work after 4 days off – so you can imagine that I was less than excited to get back to my routine. Despite cookies and holiday goodies still making their way around the hospital (I work for a very high paced specialty animal hospital that seems to moonlight as a junk food safe house during the holidays) I kept my distance. Here’s how the day looked:

Breakfast (around 8am): 1/2 grapefruit with 1 packet stevia in the raw, 1/2 cup egg whites and 1/2 cup shaved Brussels sprouts with a squirt of ketchup on top

Snack (around 11): 1/2 grapefruit  with 1 packet of stevia in the raw and the rest of the quinoa salad from yesterday which was probably about 1/2 cup.

Lunch (1:45pm): leftover chicken from last nights chicken stuffed peppers wrapped in lettuce wraps – probably had about 6 or 7 smal wraps

Snack(5pm): a handful of shrimp and a cup of green beans with a little butter melted on top  

 probably the most boring snack but I really like shrimp so – boring is where it’s at!

After eating this snack I tasted a small piece of a brownie that had been staring at me all day – I was happy with the small piece and didn’t go back for more.

Dinner(8:15pm): I didn’t feel like cooking so I headed to whole foods and got some ginger carrot bisque (soup) and vegan stew. I was also really craving peanut butter so I found these 5 ingredient organic chocolate peanuts butter Minis –  

 I had no idea organic chocolate that literally has 5 ingredients could be this good! Have you tried these!?  Not too shabby! 

In other news I sent out 4 clothing items that I sold from Facebook today! Who knew! Probably everyone, but I thought it was kind of cool that I could sell cloths that are just sitting in my closet! When I was there I asked the cashier for holiday stamps – they are to send my Christmas cards – and this is what he gave me  

 Lol! So my belated Christmas cards will have Hanukkah stamps! Oh well! Haha
Overall I felt good today. I definitely felt deprived around that second snack – I didn’t want shrimp and green beans, I wanted to eat the whole brownie, but I was proud of myself for choosing the green beans and shrimp while only having a small piece of the brownie… I’m sure in time this will get easier. Woke up with a little headache – I wonder if that will subside once my body is used to eating whole foods most of the time. 

What treats do you allow yourself?

Do you find it hard to say no when there’s treats everywhere? What is your fail safe plan?

Tagged , , , , , , , , ,

Food journal: the beginning

I mentioned this morning that I was starting a new plan. The plan consists of eating mostly vegetables and lean protein. I’m not counting calories or macros because in my experience doing these things tends to exacerbate my binge eating disorder. So, without further ado – here’s what I’ve eaten today. 

Woke up: around 7-7:30am

Breakfast (around 8:30am) : 1/2 cup egg whites, 1/4 cup shaved Brussels sprouts, squirt of ketchup, 1/2 grapefruit with 1 packet of stevia in the raw 

Taught Body Pump 10am-11am

Post workout Snack (11:30am): venti cafe americano 1/2 grapefruit with 1 packet of stevia in the raw, 1 cup quinoa salad with cranberries and cashews

Lunch (3:30pm): shrimp, eggs, salsa, and shaved Brussels sprouts mixed together in salad boats and two organic carrot sticks  

 

Dinner (7:20pm): 1 yellow pepper stuffed with shredded chicken, onions, green peppers, and black beans, topped with shredded taco cheese and 2tsp guacamole

 

  1. Snack (9pm): 1 med banana with 1tbsp nut butter 

Thoughts:

As I round out my day, I reflect on what I’ve eaten today and how I’ve felt. I feel like I could add more veggies to my meals – but I wasn’t really hungry. My main carb sources were eaten before and after my workout and I felt good throughout. I didn’t feel overly hungry or feel the need to search for food. My only real craving was for the banana but mostly because I’ve walked past them all day. I stayed pretty busy most of the day despite being home. I sold some clothes online and washed dishes. I also spent some extra time playing with the pups and laughing at Louie (my cat) who decided it would be fun to fall asleep in my laundry basket  

 Silly boy.
It’s been an overall good day with no real thoughts of binging. My focus has shifted from needing something to work towards – some event, competition, race, etc – to wanting to lose some extra weight to be happy with my own body and be healthy. I feel this will both be good for myself but also for my clients – to see that I’ve struggled but have managed to focus on myself and heal myself before putting any extra or excess stress on my system by doing anything drastic to lose weight for some other reason other than health!

Do you struggle with finding a balance between weight loss for health and weight loss for some idea body image?

What is your favorite healthy recipe?

What is your favorite vegetable?

Tagged , , , , , , , ,

Spending the day with my pups & new diet plans

Today has been a pretty standard day – woke up, walked the dogs, watered the Christmas tree 🎄, and ate breakfast. Breakfast wasn’t too standard though … I’m trying someone “new”!!

 

Breakfast today was 1/2 cup egg whites, 1/4 cup shaved Brussels sprouts, 2tbsp shredded taco cheese, 1/2 grapefruit, and a packet of stevia in the raw. This “new” plan I’m trying seems so obvious – focusing on eating mostly plant based foods, some lean protein, and limiting high carbohydrate processed foods – but as someone who has been trying to recover from binge eating disorder it’s taken a lot for me to get to basics rather than trying to yo yo my way  back to a healthy weight. 

As I mentioned, the basic principle to this plan – which is “the skinny” but I won’t call it that because of the implication of that word – is to eat whatever you want, BUT you must have a serving or two of vegetables before. The idea is that you fill up on veggies, then lean protein and by the time you get to the carbs you may take a bite or two but you’re too full to finish. As you can imagine this is a bit more complicated than that and that’s why there’s a book about it – but I guess the point here is that I tend to make nutrition so much more complicated than it has to be.  

 
The book describes different options and gives a very clear discription of how to eat  – and surprisingly it is a lot of volume. What really got me what just that – the volume! I’m what you’d call a volume eater – I’ve never done well with diets or nutrition plans that are super restrictive. What has drawn me to this book is the simplicity – and the statement that you can literally eat as many vegetables as you want – fill up on veggies, then lean protein – snack on veggies all day – you can never eat enough veggies. 

Now, the drawback for me is that I am not a huge fan of veggies, but I’m open to learning how to cook with different vegetables and maybe I can learn to like something other than green beans and Brussels sprouts! 

As you can imagine the plan is pretty low-carb for the first phase – but if you ask me, I feel that if you listen to your body you can play around with the carbs. What I like about it is there’s no need to count – eat as many veggies as you’d like – you can probably eat an entire cup or two of veggies and be full and only accumulate 30-50 calories where the same cup or two of cake would be 300-500 calories (or more) and you’d be hungry right away.

As I get further into eating more veggies I’ll try and post some recipes, if you have a favorite recipe please share below!! 

On another note I’ve made it a priority to spend time with the fur kids  …

 
Played tug of war with charlie and even got Louie to play a bit with the laser pointer (Louie doesn’t usually play with me much).

 
Miley has never been a big fan of playing with others, so she’s just been hanging out by my side as I’ve enjoyed some play time with the boys.  

 

The rest of today is pretty much going to be full of relaxing and enjoying my last day off before the week starts – it’s really freeing to know I can begin a healthier eating style without a whole lot of stress – recovery isn’t easy but it’s much easier when there’s less emphasis on what you can and can’t have and more emphasis on eating more healthfully!


What are your plans to get back on track after the holidays? Why wait?

What are your favorite vegetables? Share your recipes!

 Do you struggle with an eating disorder? Have you had trouble staying true to a healthful diet plan due to your history? My dogs help keep me calm – what do you do to take the pressure off of yourself?

Tagged , , , , , , , ,

10 Day Cleanse starts Now!

I’ve posted about this before: the AdvoCare 24 day challenge; but I haven’t been really consistent with posting results or progress. I’ve had a new cleanse laying around and I’ve been trying to decide when to do it but this morning I woke up after being in an M&M, thanksgiving foods, and pie coma for three days and decided that it was time for that cleanse. 

I was doing really well with IIFYM even though I’m not a huge fan, I figured I’d try it – but after 6 days of not losing 1lb followed by thanksgiving madness and working an overnight (which always throws me off) I figured it was time for that cleanse. 

This morning I started by weighing in and taking photos and then had the probiotic, catalyst, and spark, followed by (a half hour or so later) a chocolate peanut butter meal replacement shake and unflavored fiber drink. 

Current Weight: 172lbs

Goal weight: 156lbs (must be under 158 for powerlifting meet)

Goal for 10 day cleanse: 165lbs. There’s at least 4lbs of water/inflammation from thanksgiving since i haven’t been drinking water and before thanksgiving I was 168lbs. So there’s no reason I can’t lose that + 3lbs. Then the goal will be to lose 10lbs or so befor January 23rd! 

Follow along as I post my #weightlossjourney and my #journeytoPowerLifting lol 

Tagged , , , , , , , , , ,

A New Direction…

As a group fitness instructor I’m asked almost daily the same simple question – what should I eat? My answer is usually something like this: In general to eat healthy – eat mostly vegetables, berries and fruit, more veggies than berries and more berries than fruit – healthy fats and protein like salmon, avocado, coconut oils, and hard pressed veggie oils (I.e. Extra Virgin), grass fed beef and bison, cage free organic eggs, and poultry; make sure your carbohydrate source is from sweet potatoes, quinoa, or rice (in other words not processed) and stay away from or limit processed sugars and carbohydrates from a box such as cereal, bars, candy… The processing is the main factor that affects long term health…. 
The problem I’ve encountered with this advice is that I’m not following it. The majority of the time I preface this conversation with a brief sentence explaining that “honestly, with an eating disorder it’s hard for me to answer this question but… ” and then I continue with the prior paragraph.

So, after a lot of different diet attempts, and lifestyle types, I’m going to try to take it back to basics. I want to follow my own advice and once I’m comfortable eating by choosing the healthiest options – concentrating on organic, grass fed, and where my food comes from – taking away as much dairy and processed foods as I can – I will dial it down to work with whatever macronutrient profile works best for me (after some trial and error) for my activity level — but my goal here is to really go back to a basic paleo-ish  eating style with emphasis on vegetables and eating whole, clean foods.

What is your favorite meal? How can you make this meal healthier? Can you add vegetables to your current diet? What would that look like for you?   

 

Tagged , , , ,

Getting stronger::New ink

I literally learn something new every single day that I go to crossFit. The cardio work is my least favorite but mostly because it needs the most work. I am starting to become a stronger rower, but I still find myself going out too hard to start and tapering off at the end. I do, however, feel like my technique has gotten better which has resulted in better pulls and better overall results. I also seem to have my best rowing work when one of the coaches (specifically Dave) tells me to row harder – something about having someone tell me what to do while I’m forcing out mental negativity — that helps push out those “I’m tired, I can’t” type thoughts. 

I find myself pushing harder than I have ever before – not stopping nearly as much – and being able to go for longer. I’m not sure if this is mostly mental or if it’s because I’m getting stronger in my endurance. Can you increase endurance in only a month? I can’t wait to see where I am in a year!   I can say that since starting crossFit my workouts have been MUCH more consistent – and maybe that’s why I feel like I’m getting stronger. I wake up every morning around 5-5:15am, regardless of the day – and I head to either crossFit or body pump. When I’m done I either practice something like double unders (or attempt to practice them), do some strength work, or run at least a mile. It very likely that as the summer progresses I will be doing more after work – crossfit or pump in the morning, work, and then lifting like I used to. I haven’t don’t a traditional bodybuilding workout since I started going to crossFit – mostly because I don’t have enough time in each day, plus I really need to focus on the cardio and breathing for the Spartans that I have coming up. 

Either way I feel like I’m on my way to becoming a better person both in and out of the gym. I find myself encouraging others much more than I have ever done in the past, and really looking at my abilities as a whole rather than comparing to anyone else. I still have moments where I get unsettled by a comment or someone telling someone else how strong they are… Like hello?! What about me?! But I’m learning that it doesn’t matter what other people think or say, what matters is that I dont give up and I keep trying to be the best version of myself!   

I also haven’t really talked about my eating disorder much lately. I actually think I’ve been doing pretty good – I haven’t had any real bad binge moments – I have had a few times over the last month or two where I’ve eaten either too little or too much but it hasn’t been an all out binge where I’ve considered throwing up. There has been a shift in my mindset since starting crossFit – it’s almost like unconsciously I know there’s a lot of cardio, and I know if I consume a lot of food – more than I need – I will feel heavy and my workout will suffer – whereas if I eat what I need – I will feel good and my workout will be awesome. I had an unintentional low carb day the other day followed by a high carb day — I really didn’t plan it – it just happened to be what was available – and I’ve gotta say – the day where all my carbs came from fruits and veggies rather than bread – I felt like a million bucks. My diet is always a struggle but I feel like I’ve taken a lot of the pressure off by not focusing on how I look, but how I perform. I’ve noticed how I feel during a workout after eating different things and have shifted gears towards the more whole/natural foods – craving and then therefore eating less processed foods. So, overall I feel like I’m in a good place, and headed to an even better place nutritionally.  

 
In other news – I got a new tattoo (thanks to my hubby)! It says ” the road less traveled” which is a paraphrasing of the famous Robert Frost poem: The Road Not Taken. To me, this means that in all that I do – I will not just follow the crowd, I will not let obstacles stop me, I will overcome all that is in front of me and I will take the road less traveled.   

Tagged , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , ,

AdvoCare 24 Day Challenge: Day 18/19 & Pup update!

Day 18 started as a pretty standard day.. with less than 7 days left of the challenge, I’m feeling pretty good! I skipped the gym because I really wasn’t feeling well, my throat hurt and I just needed a day, but overall my meals went good. I found myself slipping a bit around mid day when I found myself in the break room at the vending machine followed by snacking for no good reason. A huge difference between me and a regular person, is my disordered eating sneaks it’s ways in regardless of how good I’m doing. What I’m learning is how to handle those moments. So instead of thinking “I ruined it, I can’t do it, I might as well quit while I’m ahead” I said “it happens, brush it off, no journey is a straight line” and continued the remainder of my day. Although I recognized this, I also have to remember that I can’t just eat whatever and then let it go and accept it for what it is every time because then I wouldn’t make any progress – it can happen once in awhile not everyday! 

When I got home from work my dog was acting funny, she wasn’t walking, and she was crying out. I brushed it off for a few but then she started scooting on the floor and crying so I checked under her tail and she had an anal gland abscess which hadn’t ruptured yet. I was not happy, I felt bad, but we just spent so much money on Charlie all I could think about was how this was very convenient that now Miley has an issue. I packed her up and we headed into the animal hospital.  

 I’m lucky I work at a specialty clinic because the doctors are great! Luckily they weren’t too busy so I was able to get her in quick!  Poor girl has an ecollar and she’s obviously unhappy… Poor mama  

but I gave her a bow to make her feel better… Not sure it worked!! 

Anyway, Day 19 has been better. Miley seems to be feeling a bit better, Charlie’s almost all healed from his surgery almost two weeks ago, and I didn’t do too bad with food. For lunch I had a sandwich which wasn’t the best choice but I dissected it and made sure it wasn’t full of cheese and extras! I also had a weird “craving” for eggs today. Kind of random but I really wanted eggs on whole wheat toast – no cheese, no nothing – just eggs- preferably a little runny, on whole wheat toast…. (PS I didn’t have the crave check sr tabs today)

For dinner we went to Elevation burger which I really like because it’s organic grass fed beef in a lettuce wrap with tomatoes and onions – yum! 

Tomorrow I start my On Ramp classes for crossfit! I’m excited! I’m not sure what to expect but I’m hoping that crossfit can bring me to a whole new level of fitness!

Besides crossfit the only other big news is my husband and my new website is now up and running at Teamsuzrice.mychampionpage.com !! Check it out and if you have questions please feel free to contact us! 

 
Have you ever had two sick dogs at the same time?

Have you ever done crossfit? What do you like about it? What do you not like about it?

How do you handle cravings and/or when you find yourself in a sticky food situation? 

Tagged , , , , , , , ,

AdvoCare 24 Day Challenge: Day 11

Some days you may find that you’re more hungry than other days. All things considered (with my history of binge eating disorder) the fact that i’ve been pretty hunger-free the last 10 days or so is pretty impressive. I haven’t binged, and I even said NO to froyo, but today was the first day of the max phase where we introduce the MNS packs. I decided to use the MNS-C for appetite control because it is the best for people who have an insatiable appetite (like me – usually). Today, I don’t know if it’s in my head, or if I’m just actually hungry, but I find myself thinking about food a lot. Funny thing is, it isn’t anything specific – it’s not like I’m sitting there like “woah I really could have some (enter food of choice here)”  I just find myself feeling that little twang in my tummy all day! 

  

One thing that I’ve learned in all of my struggles with food is the let the storm pass – this kind of goes with everything, not just food – have you ever been in a situation where you thought “Oh my goodness, what am I going to do? How am I going to get through this?” and what eventually happened? You got through it right? There was a point in my life that I almost got thrown out of my apartment because I couldn’t afford my rent – but I pulled some strings, maintained a positive attitude despite the world falling down around me, and I wound up figuring it out so that I could stay – This same concept has been the way that I have been dealing with my eating disorder, and fitness in general. Sometimes we have bad days, sometimes those bad days turn to bad weeks – but what we need to do is stay positive and remember that “it will all work out in the end.”

   

Tell yourself this over and over and let the powers that be handle it. Whether you believe in God or not, believe in something – and let the universe align and figure it out. Don’t be complacent of course – continue to work on yourself and learn and grow, but at the same time stay positive and remember that it will all work out in the end!  

With that said, I had a pretty decent food day. I woke up for cardio and then for breakfast I had my meal replacement shake. I spent 40 minutes on the stair master – what’s funny is I really haven’t taken a break since I started the challenge – not because I shouldn’t take a break but because I’ve been full of energy, waking up early, and rearing to go – so why not?! 

For snack I had an AdvoBar snack bar which is a great quick snack – but I find that i have to eat it really slow or my stomach and mind don’t connect the dots realizing there’s been something out in my belly! 

For lunch I had chicken, rice, and green beans, and then I actually got really busy at work and skipped my snack. 

For dinner I had Thai rice noodles with mixed veggies and chicken and an Amy’s burrito. I’m trying not to have too many carbs at night but since this was a pretty carb-rich dinner I made sure to take Carb-Ease Plus before-hand! I’m trying not to take this everyday – just whenever I need it! 

I’m not sure that I’ll have a snack tonight before bed but if I do it’ll probably be a grapefruit because even though I never really liked grapefruit I think I kinda like it now! Haha! My how tastes change as we age! 

Anyways, today’s day 1 of the MNS packs – the second phase of the 24 days…. 

Best part of being an AdvoCare advisor? (Besides the discount!) I’m helping others challenge themselves to become healthier! I have one woman starting her challenge today and two people right along with me. So far everyone has sent me awesome updates! And I can’t wait to share when we’re done! 

Want to join!? It’s not too late (it’s never too late!)  

If you want to get going and change your body let me know!! I can’t wait to help coach you through your 24 day challenge and beyond!  

If you want more info on the challenge or any of the AdvoCare products/product lines, please email me at teamsuzrice@gmail.com or check out my website: www.advocare.com/140913642 

 

Tagged , , , , , , , , ,
Advertisements