Curiosity killed the cat

i woke up this morning curious of my weight. After a few weeks exploring intuitive eating, with good and bad days throughout – successfully keeping binging down to the minimum – even stopping binges mid-binge (which is quite hard) I was curious. That curiosity left me at the scale, with a frown. 160.5. What?! How did I gain 5lbs? I stopped binging for the most part, I increased my training – because it feels good – and I’ve been sleeping great again. So, how did I gain 5lbs?

I went on with my day as usual, went to body pump and then spin. I found myself sad during spin, thinking about that scale, but pushed it out of my head, came home to eat my pre-prepared meal of chicken, rice, and green beans, and continued my normal Friday routine, washing dishes and cleaning around the house (after a shower of course). But there’s just something making me feel stressed inside. That damn scale.

Instead of eating everything but the kitchen sink, I decided to write about what the scale did to me this morning and try to rationalize what is going on in my head. Β One of the things that I’ve learned with intuitive eating, is that the number on the scale doesn’t matter. Β A body that is 150lbs of fat and a body that is 150 lbs of muscle will look completely different but still be 150lbs. So, I won’t allow this scale to throw me off, I’m doing well – finding foods I enjoy and slowly learning to let go of those foods that once made me feel good momentarily realizing it’s not about how I’m feeling – that food shouldn’ t be so emotional. I feel like I’ve made great progress and whatever weight is my “natural” weight will eventually come to be. Β It’s interesting though, because although I’m okay with a natural weight, I love lifting so much, that I wonder if it will ever be enough – my natural weight. I have these big dreams of stepping on stage, totally shredded, strong as hell, showing off this athletic body that I’ve built – one that I truly believe is in there – but is that in line with my natural weight? These are questions I will continue to explore .. But one thing is for sure, the next time I step on a scale I am going to prepare myself to not give a crap what it says – if I ever step on a scale ….


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