Curiosity killed the cat

i woke up this morning curious of my weight. After a few weeks exploring intuitive eating, with good and bad days throughout – successfully keeping binging down to the minimum – even stopping binges mid-binge (which is quite hard) I was curious. That curiosity left me at the scale, with a frown. 160.5. What?! How did I gain 5lbs? I stopped binging for the most part, I increased my training – because it feels good – and I’ve been sleeping great again. So, how did I gain 5lbs?

I went on with my day as usual, went to body pump and then spin. I found myself sad during spin, thinking about that scale, but pushed it out of my head, came home to eat my pre-prepared meal of chicken, rice, and green beans, and continued my normal Friday routine, washing dishes and cleaning around the house (after a shower of course). But there’s just something making me feel stressed inside. That damn scale.

Instead of eating everything but the kitchen sink, I decided to write about what the scale did to me this morning and try to rationalize what is going on in my head.  One of the things that I’ve learned with intuitive eating, is that the number on the scale doesn’t matter.  A body that is 150lbs of fat and a body that is 150 lbs of muscle will look completely different but still be 150lbs. So, I won’t allow this scale to throw me off, I’m doing well – finding foods I enjoy and slowly learning to let go of those foods that once made me feel good momentarily realizing it’s not about how I’m feeling – that food shouldn’ t be so emotional. I feel like I’ve made great progress and whatever weight is my “natural” weight will eventually come to be.  It’s interesting though, because although I’m okay with a natural weight, I love lifting so much, that I wonder if it will ever be enough – my natural weight. I have these big dreams of stepping on stage, totally shredded, strong as hell, showing off this athletic body that I’ve built – one that I truly believe is in there – but is that in line with my natural weight? These are questions I will continue to explore .. But one thing is for sure, the next time I step on a scale I am going to prepare myself to not give a crap what it says – if I ever step on a scale ….

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